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Topic: Things that make u laugh out loud (Read 1418 times) |
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syko_magnet
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For Sale: Parachute, never opened, small stain
Wear short sleeves: show your right to bare arms
Knee: Device for finding things in the dark
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright, until you hear them talk.
In the 60's people took Acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Some people are like Slinkies---not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Ever wonder why people spen $2.00 on a bottle of that Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.
What hair color do they put on the license of bald men?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks. Do Chinese mothers use toothpicks?
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder........
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
When everything's coming your way your in the wrong lane......
Welcome to Welfare. Where you feel lucky if you know your baby's daddy.
Opinions are like assholes--Everyone has one and most of them stink.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 16th, 2003, 9:26am by syko_magnet » |
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syko_magnet
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #1 on: Mar 16th, 2003, 9:19am » |
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There once was a man who had a son. This was no ordinary son though, he was only a head. On the heads 18th birthday his father took him to a bar to get his first drink. Well they get into the bar and heads father orders a beer for the both of them. As head finished his drink something strange began to happen, he started to grow a chest. Seeing this his father quickly ordered another drink for his son . No sooner than he finished that drink he grew two arms. At this time people in the bar began to notice what was happening,and the bartender in shock from this put up a round on the house for the young man. And just like before as soon as he drank the beer he grew legs thus turning him into a complete person. The boys father by now was estatic and quickly ordered a shot of whiskey for his son. The boy drank and "POOF" he disappeared. Everybody was in shock of what had just happened, and the boys father fell to his knees crying o'lord what have I done. Right about then somebody at the back of the bar spoke up and said "HE SHOULD HAVE QUIT WHILE HE WAS A HEAD".
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syko_magnet
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #2 on: Mar 16th, 2003, 9:21am » |
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THINGS THAT MAKE YOU SAY "Hmmmmm"
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>(1) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
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>(2) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
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>(3) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
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>(4) If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? I wonder...
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>(5) Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
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>(6) If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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>(7) Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
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>(8 ) Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
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>(9) Why are Trix only for kids?
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>(10) If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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>(11) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
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>(12) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
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>(13) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
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>(14) If a man is talking in the forest, and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?
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>(15) Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
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>(16) If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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>(17) Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
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>(18 ) Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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>(19) Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window
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| « Last Edit: Mar 16th, 2003, 9:23am by syko_magnet » |
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syko_magnet
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #3 on: Mar 16th, 2003, 9:24am » |
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TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
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TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:
The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
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| « Last Edit: Mar 16th, 2003, 9:25am by syko_magnet » |
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Lee
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well if i was incredibly sad i wud read the above but im not so....
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syko_magnet
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #5 on: Mar 17th, 2003, 10:07am » |
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well then, yr missing out...
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Lee
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ye rite, im guttered
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syko_magnet
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #7 on: Mar 17th, 2003, 3:02pm » |
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u should b... 
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Lola De Beaudevelle
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #8 on: Mar 17th, 2003, 5:18pm » |
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Well then I am incredibly sad Lee cos I read them...twice. First on here because I was reaaaaally bored (really) and then when I was sent them as e-mails because I'm rather stupid and didn't realise they were exactly the same thing... 
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Master of The Oracle of Truth, monkey hypnotist and general comedienne.
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blackstarysky
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well it looks like i'm joining the sad gang than cos i read them twice too 
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syko_magnet
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #10 on: Mar 17th, 2003, 6:36pm » |
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i only read em once... so maybe im not AS sad as u 2...
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Lee
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still all pretty damn sad
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Lola De Beaudevelle
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #12 on: Mar 17th, 2003, 9:15pm » |
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I prefer the term 'brain cell impaired' in my case 
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Master of The Oracle of Truth, monkey hypnotist and general comedienne.
God has a beard and glasses and plays the digeridoo.
http://www.upsidedowncult.tk
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syko_magnet
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #13 on: Mar 18th, 2003, 3:50pm » |
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thats calling us sad... in a not funny kinda way...
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Malachite_Myst
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Re: Things that make u laugh out loud
« Reply #14 on: Mar 19th, 2003, 5:51pm » |
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Visit (copy and paste the URL or it wont work )http://pics2003.steakandcheese.com/make_love_not_war.jpg I always knew there was something going on behind the white house' closed doors lmao
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| « Last Edit: Mar 19th, 2003, 6:06pm by Malachite_Myst » |
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Hard work, studying and perseverance will get you no where in life......it's all about kissing ass
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